stalked

I just got an e-mail, not a blog comment mind you, but an e-mail, from a new reader of my blog. Apparently I'm good enough to attract new people here after having blogged only about 3 months, and not being an active part of any kind of blogging network yet. I am ever so flattered. Since I've had a sneak peek into the network of knitting bloggers, I have some idea about what a network like that might mean to a single little blogger. It's a metaphor for life really - the feeling of being part of something bigger. To matter in a bigger picture... Oh, sorry I'm going on and on here. Back to the e-mail I got. It freaked me out.

Someone wants to know what I look like, having read my blog and having seen only the tiny photo here to the right, he or she (I don't know which!) has formed an image of me and wants to know if he or she is right. What I want to say about the whole thing is this:

To ask for more of me, even pictures, in an anonymous e-mail seems not only quite stupid but also rather rude. I will probably post pictures of myself eventually, but not only to show off my great looks to my stalkers. I am happy people are reading my blog, but I still consider my blogging being self therapy as much as entertainment for the masses. So, there will be no pictures of me out of context posted here.

To serious blog readers with manners, I want to apologize if this rude person's behaviour has made me maybe more hesitant of posting pictures of me at all. I do hope that the ones of you who deserve getting to know me will do so in time.

Blog ya' later. /Lisa without photo

inspired

So, I thought it would take until the end of next week to finish this thingy for Mandy, but having had a very inspired day I finished it NOW. So watch out Canada - there is a package from Sweden arriving shortly (I'll send it Monday). I can't say anymore at the moment or I'll slip and reveal too much. It's supposed to be a secret and I suck at secrets. At least my own, about stuff I'm eager to share...

inspiration

Whenever I need inspiration to pick up a pen and draw, I sit and flip through the pages of the Bearskin Sketchbook. He has a totally different style than me, but the way he has used his sketchbook is fenomenal. And the layout of the webpage... wow. Take a look, but beware: You will probably be stuck in there for a while. It's that good.

troll

My mother is the editor in chief for this magazine and she called me yesterday to ask if I could help them with an idea. They wanted a little troll that will reappear in every issue with something smart or thoughtful to say about some current event... A little mascot with with opinions if you want. She specifically wanted a version of a little troll that appears in one of Astrid Lindgren's childrens books; specifically the one about Ronja the Robber's daughter. I came up with this little guy as a first sketch:

What do you think?

Oh, hello mister minister…

I want to tell you about my weird day yesterday, but I don’t know where to start. The story is too incredible to not start in an as incredible way, but since the day went from normal to insane, I guess this text sort of will too. I could start like this:

Yesterday was supposed to be a slow day in preparation for my meeting today. I went to meet my friend and architect colleague Jessica for coffee at 10 am. We ordered our coffee (my usual grande latte) but had but sat down when she apologized for having forgotten she had to be at our city museum at 11 o’clock for this presentation thing…

I could also start my blog entry like this:

In 2007 the famous Swedish biologist and botanist Carl von Linné (Linneaus) would have turned 300 years old, had men been able to live that long. In memory of, and using his famous name and the jubilee as a marketing gimmick, there are big wheels in motion about things that are going to happen in two years in the name of Linneaus and his birthday. Yesterday a new book about one of Linneaus’ disciples was presented at the city museum in Gothenburg. At the same time, they presented an exhibition project where a gazebo will travel the world containing an exhibition about Swedish science, research and the heritage of Carl von Linné. It just so happens that my friend Jessica has designed this gazebo, and I got to accompany her to this inauguration thing at the museum yesterday…

You see, this story has many different angles and weird twists and turns so I have to start from two different views at the same time not to loose you. I hope you’re with me so far.

As it turns out, this presentation was the first of many occasions in the next two years about the jubilee of Carl von Linné, and they took the chance to present the whole project of Sweden celebrating one of the biggest international superstars we have – a botanist who’s been dead for like 250 years. Don’t get me wrong though, I think it’s fascinating. He's big enough to be depicted on our 100 kronor bills for example:
But since I was only prepared for a couple of hours at a café with a friend I was let us say somewhat surprised to see our Minister for Culture and Education get up on stage to give the welcoming speech. He talked for an hour. Then a former Minister of Defence got up, and it turns out he’s the chairman of the committee organizing the different projects involved in the Linneaus jubilee. In the audience sat some famous historians, authors and other familiar faces in the A-list of the culture world in Sweden. I felt like a stowaway on a cruiseship, when all I had planned was a run around the bay in a canoe…

It gets worse.

After this inauguration and the presentations, Jessica and I had decided to go out for lunch to compensate for our lost hours of catching up at a café. However this man who had something to do with the gazebo project came running and said she had to come to lunch with them. We thought, either it’s the five persons in the gazebo group, or the entire lecture hall and that lunch was included in the program of the day, so she asked if she could bring me, and this man said that off course! He was counting on it. So I went with them.

We stepped into the museums restaurant, considered to be one of the best restaurants in town, and we met a table for about 20 people reserved for us. As I took my seat and was presented to the people around me I found myself sitting opposite a man who has the biggest private collection of Linné related stuff in the world. Next to me was a woman who is translating books about Linné to English. Diagonally opposite me the Minister for Culture and Education grabs a chair, and opposite him, two chairs away from Jessica, the former minister of Defense now Linnéus committee chairman.

The food was served and I get to eat a delicious fish dish with cod, and we’re served wine if we want it, red or white at our choice. However I’m not much for wine a Wednesday lunch, even if it's free, so I settled for mineral water.

So, in short, I went for coffee with a friend and ended up on a free luxury lunch with members of our government. What can I say – it was quite a day.

Mandy is sending people my blogs’ way and I’m thankful, so welcome new readers! And she’s right about comments making me want to write more. So go ahead!
I’m not posting frequently enough since I have this AND a Swedish blog… but I find writing in English both good for me and fun, so encourage me, and I’ll keep writing!

Claire Epson

Ok, lock me up in the insane asylum.
THIS and THIS is what happens when you provide me with a boring lecture and a pen.
Yes, I've inaugurated my scanner. It's now called Claire (surname Epson), though I didn't smash a bottle baptising her, nor did I pat her with water. I'm not that stupid yet.

[Barry Manilow songtitle here]

She makes me blush. Mandy (yes, that's the songtitle) just wrote in her wonderful blog about the deal we've made. She'll knit me this [insert about 10 synonyms to wonderful here] shawl, and I'll make her something artsy in return. But did she stop her paragraph about me there? No, not at all. She continues by calling me "a brilliant and incredibly interesting person" and says about what I'm making her that "whatever it is will not fail to be wonderful". What can I say? I'm blushing.

However, the "No pressure!" comment she added is of no help. This Mandy, who I still haven't met yet, can paint, knit and sow, each of which she does well enough to make a proffession out of it. Plus, the humour of this woman, her style (both hair, glasses and choice of words) and the bits and pieces S has told me about her, and the few words I've exchanged with her husband (who has a brilliant sense of humour too)... and then she calls me incredibly interesting before I've had the chance to dedicate a full blog entry to her (though she'll probably hate the Barry Manilow association). She has some nerve!

I've always wanted to be as good at knitting as she is, but so far I haven't ever bothered to work at it since the first fifty or so attempts have come out horrible. They're more knotted than knitted I'm afraid... But hey, how many talents is a girl supposed to have? I paint, I draw, I write, I speak different languages, I have an education, I have my own firm, I sing in a band... and I'm still single, so what's the use? (Kidding!)

Anyway, I think I've figured out what to make her, but if I'll succeed with my rep intact is yet to be seen. It's tough being a brilliant and incredibly interesting person, before you've even made anything, but I'll do my best Mandy, I promise. And thank you. If you didn't notice I'm childishly proud and honoured by your mentioning me (and recommending my blog! I'm scared to think there actually might be people reading this now!). It's a huge compliment!

To my new visitors I wish to remind you all that English is my second language, so be impressed, not disturbed by my errors. And I want to have a list of blogs and other pages I want to link to in a sidebar, but I'm still figuring out how to modify this template thingy...

Oh, and by the way, my scanner is plugged in and working now, so maybe I'll bother to insert some more of my doodling here soon.

stormy weather

The melancholy song of a big tree in the storm is an eerie, yet magical sound. Imagine putting a vacuum to the horn of a tuba, and you might get something similar. Yesterday I walked under the singing crown of an immense elm tree. I leaned against the wind feeling equally impressed with and scared of Mother Nature. She must have heard me being scared of her when she let the big elm shower me with twigs that had been ripped off 20 meters above me. I smiled, because she chose to tease me when I know so well she could have destroyed me.

In spite of the warnings about the storm on the radio I felt uncannily safe yesterday as I walked to town to meet J and M. I turned down the avenue and as the wind turned and twisted I struggled against it one second, just to dance along with it the next. In front of an impressive building from the last turn of century, one of the spherical lanterns by the entrance was smashed. Someone had tried to cover it with a black plastic bag and duct tape. But the bag couldn’t resist the wind’s invitations to dance. As I passed it struggled to break free from the last strap of tape as it made pirouettes in the swirls and twirls of air rushing past it. Then some raindrops found their way in to the remains of the broken lamp and it fizzed and whizzed sending miniature fireworks up to celebrate the bag’s escape.
Eventually I took refuge in a café to wait for my friends. Just outside three flagpoles bowed politely towards the avenue as if the royal family was passing them by. But one of the three had to be a republican, as it suddenly decided to bow no more and it snapped off at the base and leaned in a rather nonchalant manner towards the building behind it. Luckily it missed the windows.

As the firemen came to collect the republican flagpole I saw my friend J coming towards me struggling against the wind. Later M came and we proceeded to a place that served more substantial food than coffee. It still wasn’t as bad as the radio reports had claimed, we said to each other just as the light went out in the building across the street…

Eventually we went to the movies, keeping close to the walls walking there, since we were now afraid of crashing Christmas lights and roof tiles. But we made it to the theatre ok, and the power didn’t go out during the movie or anything, so we thought it couldn’t be so bad. Right?

After the movie, we stood outside discussing the plot for a while, when M points to the ground saying: “Wasn’t that up on the wall before?” The shards of a sign for a place called “Pasta & Panini”, where I often buy lunch, lies at our feet. As my mouth watered thinking about their vegetarian sandwiches, I looked further down the street. A smashed roof tile on the left side, the iron console of a sign trying to twist itself out of a brick wall… We looked at each other and agreed to head home.

The problem was there were no buses. They were cancelled “to ensure the drivers’ safety”. And the trams can’t run through the knee high water flooding one of the central squares, so they were cancelled too. So at the same time as the radio and TV told people to stay inside, J and I agreed to walk home.

The song of the trees had turned into a cacophony, and we counted five fallen trees (one was merely a bush, but one was really huge, so we agreed to say it was five all in all), five fallen or broken signs and two more flagpoles. The police had taped off a “safe area” around the flagpoles using their usual plastic tape. It probably seemed like a good idea at the time when they put it up, but we could do nothing but laugh at the twenty meters or so of plastic tape dancing and twisting all over the street, looking to whip the passers by, or at least make them trip over snaring their feet together.

We made it home okay, but reading the news today about the floods, seven dead people, huge glass facades fallen in or out, cars being crashed by falling trees, I feel lucky Mother Nature chose to just tease me…

aftermath

Ok, I’ve been trying to write this update forever now, in both Swedish and English, but it just won’t let itself be written. Why? Well, how do you balance my chaotic Christmas, calm and wonderful new years eve, my chaotic apartment to the tsunami disaster? You can’t. That’s why.

Thailand has become paradise for Swedish tourists the last few years, making Sweden the European country with the most victims. And since we’re not a big country, this turns out to be the worst natural disaster in our history too. A fact that is hard to take in, as so many more people are affected in the part of the world where it actually happened. There is not a single Swedish person who will not know somebody who knew somebody. Children are coming home without their parents. Parents are coming home without their children. And still, we feel ashamed we report so much about our own casualties, since it might look as if we don’t care about the rest, which is not the case.
Personally, I’m still not directly linked to any of the victims, but to be honest I’m just sitting here waiting for a familiar name from somewhere in my life to turn up in some list of missing persons. So far, I have heard three friends of friends’ stories, and I can’t write about that. It’s hard enough to dress cold facts in words. Don’t ask of me to express my emotions about this. I can’t.
One personal tragedy after the other in the headlines. In Sweden the media seems to ruthlessly look for scapegoats. Who did what wrong, and which minister should resign? As for me, I’d feel better if journalists, that manage to be so out of focus in a time of crisis, resigned. Why look for someone to blame before we’ve even understood how severe the situation is? Why interview people while still in shock after the loss of, in some cases, everything? Nothing good comes out of it.
I try to look at the few positives about this. Some parts of me feel grateful for the evidence of human kindness and cooperation that the aftermath of this disaster has shown.
As I don’t have a specific God to turn to, not being a very religious person, I realize what comfort a firm belief sometimes must offer. As for me, I turn to my friends to digest and understand this. And I'm thankful to know I have people who will be there if I myself find a familiar name in the all too long lists of names…


I’ll try again to write about my holidays, some other time.

portraits

This is amazing. I got this link from S. It's old photos from an Arkansas prison 1915 to 1937. As I scramble through the faces stories pop up in my head. What did he do? Why is that photo ripped to pieces? And who taped it back together? Did she kill her husband? Does his loved ones miss him? Is he innocent? I see lives in their eyes. It's weird how portraits of people really can speak to you sometimes.

leaving

"It's easier to leave than to be left behind. Leaving was never my problem..." I'm leaving in half an hour, though I feel like going back to sleep. I'll be back the 28th. Though right now I'd rather just stay here. I'm looking forward to seeing my mother in 6 hours though.
Merry Christmas.

grinchy

I’m leaving tomorrow morning. The ridiculously huge bags are packed. Clothes for a week, exams I have to correct, books, Christmas presents and a jar of newly made delicious fudge. The train will take me 800 kms north and I’ll spend Christmas with my family. So far so good. But… (isn’t there always a “but” about Christmas?) …I’m not looking forward to it. Well, no, that’s not true. I’m looking forward to parts of it. I’m looking forward to the look on my little cousin’s face when he opens his present, and the look on my mother’s face when she opens hers. I’m looking forward to some of the family’s recipes to be prepared and eaten, and to hugging my grandmother. But the rest, I can do without.

I don’t like traveling for two days to spend four days there. I don’t like celebrating Christmas three times in two days. First we’ll go to my uncle’s house and see my two little cousins (and they’re my godsons) and the new puppy, but since one of my little angels is autistic we can’t stay all day, and my grown up cousins are celebrating with their fiancées families… for Christmas eve there is just me, my mum, my aunt and my lovely little grandmother going back to my aunt’s for a quiet night of board games I think. Sometimes it is weird being an only child. Then, on Christmas Day I’m off to my father’s house. Off course I want to meet him and his wife and see my hometown again, but me “coming home” to my old hometown is complicated. I must admit it’s not all anticipation going home. There’s a healthy chunk of anxiety mixed in with that.

Anyway, it’ll be fine, and I’ll be fine, but right now I would almost rather curl up under a blanket, and not come out until after Christmas. That feeling will pass I’m sure, and I will have a nice Christmas, and me and my mother will have another magical midnight walk in the cold, quiet and white Christmas Eve and talk about nothing and everything…

I just found out S will be alone over Christmas and it breaks my heart. Isn't it just stupid that a silly little thing like the Atlantic Ocean should be able to come between him and me spending Christmas together? Don't you think? I'll be thinking of him though.

And I’m back in Gothenburg the 28th and I’ll tell you all about how it went. And then there is J coming home, and new years eve and a whole bunch of stuff to look forward to...

Merry Christmas my friends and remember that after all… it’s just a stupid holiday. Right?

reinstalled

I’ve badly needed to reinstall my computer for quite some time now. It’s finally done, but not without complications of course. I bought a new hard drive too, and I now have 200 wonderfully empty Gigabytes to fill with more words, images, music and more of me. I look forward to it. The biggest computer related problem I have left is reinstalling all the software. It turns out I’ve lost a couple of serial numbers, and I need help with the configurations for my homepage domain to be able to post stuff there. Plus, my guestbook on my website was hacked and all my friends who want to leave a message are joyfully greeted by the “kinky ass shit-“ (or something like that) –webpage. Wonderful…

On the bright side, all the complications have left me with a whole lot of new knowledge about computers and a better office pack than the one I had. And as Word is like an addiction, that feels good. Photoshop is working too and that’s a relief, since these (insert cursing) illustrations aren’t completely done yet. No, don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed doing them, but creating on demand is tough.

What else? Well… S went AWOL on me. I didn’t hear anything for three days though I left like ten messages. I’ll probably embarrass him by writing about it here, but he deserves it. I was worried sick. He’s fine though, as I finally got hold of him this morning and seeing and hearing him again was wonderful! It felt as if someone lifted a very heavy stone off my chest, I’ve been so worried! I sure hope he gets that by now; that I care enough to worry. And S… will you please care enough to not give me any reason to worry like that. Thank you.
As I talked to him this morning I watched him open the Christmas gift I sent him, and it was appreciated. I’m glad. And the brown and white one was the best by far. And I’m sorry I didn’t make them myself Mandy… I’m just not as good at that as you are.

The happiest parts of my life right now are my friends. No doubt about it. Friends that call and care. Friends like Jch that lend me their scanner and spends a whole night making it work here. I am ever so grateful. It saved a lot of my mental health and time. And then there is the band – a new and very bright spot in my life.
And then there is my sister J. The 14th of December was the one year anniversary of mine and J’s friendship. I can’t believe it’s only been one year! And she sent me flowers! The card said “Happy anniversary babe” and I cried. That I have friends like that in my life... I’m lucky. I know.

This turns out to be a rather long post with mostly boring information for most of you. I’m sorry about that, but this is my life and my blog so… tough. I never promised I’d only write about love camels. I hope to post something happier soon though.

smorgasbord

The next Harry Potter movie will be a veritable smorgasbord (yes it is a Swedish word originally). Me and J will slide out of that movie theatre moaning. What is a girl supposed to do when she sees a cast like this: Gary Oldman (Sirius Black), Alan Rickman (prof. Snape), Ralph Fiennes (Lord Voldemort) and Jarvis Cocker as a member of the band Weird Sisters. And then there is Ron who doesn't want to tap dance for the spiders. Bring it ON!

christmas bliss(ter)

I wrapped some presents yesterday and they are beautiful! I use black paper and black string, but with the red wax seal holding a straw heart or star and a red label it looks festive and sofisticated at the same time. However, yesterday I managed to drip some wax on my finger and it hurts. The blister makes me think of bubble wrap, and it's hard not to pop it. I went to bed yesterday with a band aid holding an ice cube to my finger.
Anyway, I finished Douglas Coupland's "Hey Nostradamus" today and it's great. I'm buying another Coupland next time I see a book store.
Now, the candles are lit and Sunday Evening with the Sketch Pad has officially begun. I need to get these drawings done, though I hate creating stuff on demand.
Wish me luck!

love camel

I'm a singer in a little band. We have only rehearsed three times yet, but we already have a lot of fun. Our guitarrist is one of my best friends, but the other two I don't know all that well, yet. So yesterday we went out for a get-to-know-each-other-beer. We had so much fun! And our bass player taught me a new expression: Love Camel.

A love camel stores love and positive thinking and can draw strength from a compliment he or she heard days ago. A love camel builds a confidence of it's own from the simple fact that one should savour the positives and forget about the negatives. The last few years I've been something of a "love shark" - I hunt down the love and rip it to pieces, claiming that I enjoyed it. But then every loving thought is very short, and every negative thought is what I actually give myself time to digest. I will try and break this pattern and store som love in me.

I want to be a love camel.

bottled friendship

I found a bottle on my balcony yesterday, and inside it was a piece of paper, as if someone stranded on a desert island had managed to toss his or her cry for help all the way up there... But it wasn't from some cast away. It was a letter from a friend, and the contents was one of those messages that tell me that I have friends that really understand me. I am so thankful! How many of you get thoughtful letters thrown up onto your balconies?

ignorance

The ignorance of some people in this world really scares me. S gave me this link, and I wish it was a joke... though it isn't.

just a thought

I wonder what would happen if I let myself really fail once. Not just in my head, but for real. Just fall through all the cracks and just... not make it. I wonder who would be more disappointed in me; me or the rest of the world? I'm guessing me.
I'm sick of my high standards right now...

we'll see.

A crazy week has passed me by in such high speed my memories of it still feel blurry. I hope they'll settle and sort them selves out, because I don't want to forget this week, ever. My friend-soulmate-sister-nobodylikeherintheworld J has been here, and the world just seems brighter when she's around. Not just because she's amazing in herself, but because she makes me amazing. I never had a friend complete me before, but she sort of does. We keep saying the same thing at the same time, one look is enough to read the other's mind... I think you get the picture.

We have been laughing, singing, giggling, recording ridiculously funny party collections for the party we were at Saturday, watched Harry Potter and Love Actually just for the sake of Alan Rickman (a.k.a. the Voice)... and just loved each other.


But there has been two non-J related cases of Fabulous Times this week too. Tuesday I got to open a debate presenting a workshop I have done with kids about architecture, to set the tone for the discussion afterwards. It was a discussion about how to make it possible for teenagers and children to participate in the decisions made about their city. In urban planning as well as in political decisions. The guests invited were as diverse as two city politicians, architects and urban planners, a professor in architecture, two 16y old boys from "the projects", two 17y old girls from the soon-to-be-formed youth counsil of Gothenburg... And it went WELL. Both my performance and the fact that the politicians actually seemed to say "we'll try harder" which is a lot!

Magic moment number two was last Thursday, when I was supposed to accompany my mentor to this conference about architecture and didactics. It went amazingly well! I was supposed to be there as a visitor/ spectator, but as my mentor was invited at the last minute to lecture at this thing, she took the opportunity to present me as part of the future in this subject! And now I'm probably getting payed for having been up on stage for three minutes presenting my book (of which I sold 10!) As you can see, this could mean a huge deal for my future and that's exiting!
I just ordered a second printing of another 100 copies of my little book today, and that feels amazing!

I should probably say something about the party I was at this Saturday too... I came home and called Canada... twice. Leaving two very improvised and weird messages on an answering machine that apparently didn't work, so he never got them. I wonder if that's a lucky twist of fate or not? It's safe to say I drank too much wine though. J kept saying I only was "cute", but I'm not so sure... I don't like me that drunk. I don't like losing control.


Today though... has been a shitty day in many aspects, and a wonderful day in others. First of all, J is leaving for Norway again, and that just makes me want to cry. Second, I'm in desperate need of security. Economical and emotional, because all these "we'll sees" in my life are driving me mad. But on the other hand I'm so lucky to have friends like J and Jch (whom I also got to see today over a quick coffee), and I'm still so grateful I found S... even though we're in the middle of a weird "I think we misunderstood each other... again"-kind of situation at the moment, it will sort itself out. I'm sure. I just miss him.


But you know... It's the story of my life right now...
We'll see.