Tuesday, November 02, 2004

we'll see.

A crazy week has passed me by in such high speed my memories of it still feel blurry. I hope they'll settle and sort them selves out, because I don't want to forget this week, ever. My friend-soulmate-sister-nobodylikeherintheworld J has been here, and the world just seems brighter when she's around. Not just because she's amazing in herself, but because she makes me amazing. I never had a friend complete me before, but she sort of does. We keep saying the same thing at the same time, one look is enough to read the other's mind... I think you get the picture.

We have been laughing, singing, giggling, recording ridiculously funny party collections for the party we were at Saturday, watched Harry Potter and Love Actually just for the sake of Alan Rickman (a.k.a. the Voice)... and just loved each other.

But there has been two non-J related cases of Fabulous Times this week too. Tuesday I got to open a debate presenting a workshop I have done with kids about architecture, to set the tone for the discussion afterwards. It was a discussion about how to make it possible for teenagers and children to participate in the decisions made about their city. In urban planning as well as in political decisions. The guests invited were as diverse as two city politicians, architects and urban planners, a professor in architecture, two 16y old boys from "the projects", two 17y old girls from the soon-to-be-formed youth counsil of Gothenburg... And it went WELL. Both my performance and the fact that the politicians actually seemed to say "we'll try harder" which is a lot!

Magic moment number two was last Thursday, when I was supposed to accompany my mentor to this conference about architecture and didactics. It went amazingly well! I was supposed to be there as a visitor/ spectator, but as my mentor was invited at the last minute to lecture at this thing, she took the opportunity to present me as part of the future in this subject! And now I'm probably getting payed for having been up on stage for three minutes presenting my book (of which I sold 10!) As you can see, this could mean a huge deal for my future and that's exiting!
I just ordered a second printing of another 100 copies of my little book today, and that feels amazing!

I should probably say something about the party I was at this Saturday too... I came home and called Canada... twice. Leaving two very improvised and weird messages on an answering machine that apparently didn't work, so he never got them. I wonder if that's a lucky twist of fate or not? It's safe to say I drank too much wine though. J kept saying I only was "cute", but I'm not so sure... I don't like me that drunk. I don't like losing control.

Today though... has been a shitty day in many aspects, and a wonderful day in others. First of all, J is leaving for Norway again, and that just makes me want to cry. Second, I'm in desperate need of security. Economical and emotional, because all these "we'll sees" in my life are driving me mad. But on the other hand I'm so lucky to have friends like J and Jch (whom I also got to see today over a quick coffee), and I'm still so grateful I found S... even though we're in the middle of a weird "I think we misunderstood each other... again"-kind of situation at the moment, it will sort itself out. I'm sure. I just miss him.

But you know... It's the story of my life right now...
We'll see.