There are many ways to get tired. I usually read in bed just before going to sleep to add that final touch of heavy eye lids, but there are more efficient ways to get to that near coma state of mind. You could run in wet sand or listen to a parliament’s debate on manure quotas for rural regions far away. You could watch the clouds sail by in a blue sky while lying comfortably in a hammock or you could try to convince a woman with self esteem issues that she doesn’t look fat in velour. All of the above tend to be tiring, but I have, after much research, found the ultimate fatigue. It takes some time and preparation, but you can take my word for it; you will never have felt more tired!
- Take one relatively normal young woman of 26, usually social and outgoing, but with a strong sense of self and need of quality time on her own.
- Throw her into the most emotional experience of her life and let simmer for two weeks.
- When she’s comfortable enough to almost fuse with the other half of the mixture, and the mix feels like the start of a durable entity; mercilessly rip the two halves apart and separate them indefinitely.
- Do not let her catch her breath or relax! Instead you throw her head over heals 450 kms away to pick up her seven year old cousin, and let him stay with her for a week, spending all her money and asking questions continuously. Never let her have more energy left than him.
- Spend the week on boats, amusement parks and adventures she can neither afford nor have energy for, and keep the seven year old wonderful to her so that she loves him with all her heart and happily subdues to all the hardship.
- Keep draining with some memories of those first two weeks whenever she looks strong enough to recover.
- When she finally seems stable enough to juggle her own emotions, a seven year old, work, money and plans for the future; send her for dinner with her ex and his new girlfriend.
- Let the child refuse to sleep until midnight, and the rip him from her the next day.
- Leave her with too much to do in too little time, feeling strangely alone in a chaotic but empty apartment.
And tadaa! Here I am. Exhausted and constantly on the verge of tears, and, to complete the irony, too tired to sleep. If you have a recipe for worse, please don’t share it. I’m going to take it very easy for a few days and enjoy the company of no one but me. I’ve missed me.