Tuesday, June 20, 2006

no.

My beloved grandma is unconscious. They say she might not wake up.
I'm numb. Tears don't help.

All I feel yet is that it has to be enough soon. No more bad news for a while. Please.

Now, I'm going to feel nothing for a while until I explode in a fountain of useless tears again.

Tears sometimes help, but after the exsessive use of tears the last month I find them completely useless now.

Fuck this. (Yes, I actually said fuck this. Pardon my English, so to speak.)

4 comments:

jodi said...

Oh, sweetie, hang in there. I used to think that when tears felt useless, smashing something would help, but even better: take some time to do whatever calms you and makes you feel good, drink tea out on the porch or have a nice hot bath or sauna and ease out a bit of the anger and frustration. Love and good wishes to your grandma.

Stella said...

Don't beat yourself up for crying. This is the time to cry.

Bernadette/knit cafe said...

Hi Lisa, My thoughts and prayers our with you and your family. What a shitty month but you're a strong woman from what I have been able to see in the short time I've known you. I too have a chronic condition and have been in rehab in the US with patients with your condition. I am entering Sahlgrenska this weekend to begin a two stage back operation and after will need physical therapy. Maybe we could hook up at Sports Rehab or walks in the xusopark. I would love the company and we could spend a little time knitting (or a lot of time knitting:) Bernadette

Mandy said...

Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry. Sending love feels as impotent as your tears, but it's what I've got.
Much Love,
Mandy