There are some things that other people do that makes my spine curl up into my neck, and if it’s really bad you might even hear me grunt about it. But the real problem is – it’s my problem. Mine alone. My biggest annoyances are mostly stuff I should just shrug off, but catch me on a bad day trying to deal with these little ticks in others, and you might see a muscle in my jaw twitch, and my eyes squinting at the culprit with a look saying “k-i-l-l y-o-u n-o-w”. What can possibly make me, sweet little me, so unfriendly?
1. The sound of food. People eating. Chewing with open mouths. Slobbering. Apples are the worst. First you have the biting, then the breaking, then the slurp, slobber and chew… Ew. I told you – It’s mostly my problem, but it has come so far that I can’t even see “The Return of the King” in the LOTR trilogy again. I saw it once and the scene with close-ups of Denethor eating almost killed me.
2. Next thing is people solving problems I don’t have. It’s always a misunderstanding and the other person always means well, and I feel guilty just thinking of how annoyed I can feel with this behaviour. Example: “How are you? Still tired?”, “Well, I still work a lot, but I’m fine. I love my job”, “Maybe if you tried this herbal tea I have. It works wonders. Or yoga? Maybe yoga is the thing for you?” Did I ask for advice on my fatigue? Did I want my problems solved my herbal tea? How mean am I for thinking bad things about friends that are trying to help? So, this is actually two problems. First the initial annoyance and then my guilt over being annoyed. Thoroughly annoying. And obviously I do the same thing myself! Because I try to be nice and to be a good friend. Seriously, what's wrong with me?
3. Everyone who knows me also knows how I can’t stand peanuts. Not the taste, not the smell. You eat peanuts an hour before we meet and I smell it on you and I feel sick to my stomach. My problem – not yours – right? Still I can really work up a storm inside thinking about how thoughtless it is of my friends to eat a snack they love an hour before seeing me… I really need to work on this one.
These annoyances has actually started to interrupt my everyday life, because since I became aware of just how annoyed I get, and just how guilty I feel over my very irrational anger… yes, it actually verges on anger over these things, I experience it every day. Suddenly kind words are analyzed and criticised in my head and I have trouble being around others when I eat, or rather when they eat. And when I eat myself, I’m so afraid of being a hypocrite, making noise myself, that I spend unusual amounts of energy on table manners.
I think I need to rest a bit. This must clearly be evidence of sleep deprivation and strain…